Lady B
by Vivien Nimue
Summary: A Boromir romance fic with a difference, (written as a diary) A tale of parody, romance, angst, acne, toads and adventure.
1. Unwanted acne and deaths

**Lady B**

**Prologue**

_Author's Note_: I say this now that although a romance featuring an original character, this fic will NOT be a Mary Sue. More of a Bridget Jones meets Jane Eyre. This fic is romance/angst/action/adventure/parody and just about anything else. 

_Disclaimer: _The almighty Tolkien owns everything. I suppose Errin is mine, but she owes a lot to her godmothers Helen Fielding and Jane Austen.

The air was heavy, and the clouds grey. It had rained most of the day, yet had also been inexplicably warm. Nobody in the magnificent white city of Gondor was comfortable. But most were asleep, dreaming of other lands and other times. Yet a solitary figure wound her way slowly through the dark streets. This was not an uncommon occurrence, most of the time these women were poor beautiful elf maidens, searching for their beloved Legolas or even worse their Mary Sue name badges. However this woman was not, she was merely a plot device in my poor tale.

 The dark velvet cloak she was wearing was long and trailed along the ground. The elegantly embroidered hem was covered in dust, slime and muck. But the woman didn't care. She had a mission to complete, and she would complete it. 

      She was a serving woman from the court of Rohan, who had been sent by King Theoden himself to take an embarrassment to Gondor. The embarrassment being his illegitimate daughter, who could not remain with either of her parents. As both were married with legitimate children of their own. Theoden had picked Gondor because there she could grow up in relative obscurity, with a poor family.

 As far away from him and his young family as it was possible to be. Yet the serving woman herself had other ideas about this girl's future. She didn't think Theoden was doing right by leaving the child to grow up in poor obscurity. So she left the child on the steps of the citadel of Gondor. Home of Denethor steward of Gondor, his young wife Finduilas and their two sons.  Seven-year-old Faramir and twelve year old Boromir. 

   The child was discovered by Finduilas, who having a kind and pure heart insisted on having the girl raised with young Faramir. Boromir by now was in training to follow his father's example and had left the nursery behind. Despite this however, he loathed the young girl and was shocked that she was not raised to be a servant, as fitted the abandoned daughter of some heartless peasant. Denethor himself did not bother with the girl at all, his only wish was that the child was "kept in her place" and "stopped from forming any sort of silly romantic attachment with either of the boys." They named her Errin. 

However the tranquillity was short lived. Less than a year later, when Faramir was only eight years old, Finduilas passed away. She had always been weak and the illness that took her life had been far too strong for her to imagine fighting. 

  Her death turned Denethor, into a purely military based man, but he still loved his sons dearly. Faramir was placed under the tutorage of a brilliant tutor, and Errin in the care of a not quite so brilliant nurse.

So fifteen years passed, Boromir was often from home, as his father was introducing him to "the world of his expectations." Faramir was trained to fight, but also to read and think. Errin was given the type of education as befitted a "poor relation" of the steward of Gondor. She was taught to sew, cook clean and dance (which she did with indifference and failure) and Denethor's hopes that Errin would blossom into a beautiful young marriageable off woman had been dashed. Errin was tallish, with red hair and blue eyes. But she had been cursed with the horror, of teenage acne. In Denethor's opinion this damned the poor girl to eternal spinsterhood. 

Okay, the next chapter picks up from Errin's POV. Sorry if that was weird, it gets normal soon Lol. ****


	2. Errin's Diary Part 1 : Walter is a toad

Lady B

Chapter 1

Author's Note: Now I switch to diary format, Yay!

The Diary of Errin… _(Well I don't actually have a surname, so its just Errin.)_

Age: _15 (Old age here I come.)_

Race: _Human, but some people say I'm just a tall dwarf. Grrrr._

Parents: _Don't know, don't really care, well providing their not tall dwarves._

Siblings: _None, but good old Faramir is like a brother._

Current Place Of Residence: _Gondor._

Reason For Writing This Diary: _forced to by evil governess._

A Brief Account Of My Life So Far: 

Well, I was born to some parents who evidently didn't want me. (Probably because of my over powering ugliness.) So they dumped me on some steps somewhere in Gondor, don't ask which particular steps, just some steps. After an evening on the steps, I was discovered by Finduilas wife of the steward of Gondor.

Finduilas and her husband Denethor steward of Gondor had two sons. Nice Faramir, and Boromir, who I haven't seen for five years, but I know hates me because I wasn't raised as a servant. Anyway Finduilas insisted on adopting me (not sure why) into her family. Sadly only a year later she died, and I was dumped on Giria, a vile governess of the worst sort.

 Giria is very strict, and dare I say it slightly senile. She made me write, " I must behave like a lady" out 1000 times just because I "accidentally" dropped my embroidery hoop down a well. Faramir says I should try harder to appreciate how hard she works to "improve" me. But I don't, she is an old bat. Besides I am beyond saving. 

Life is bearable. I spent most of my early childhood sneaking out of my lessons to run amuck with Faramir. Boromir was always away, and I think Faramir was slightly jealous because he's their father's favourite. So Faramir was grateful for the company. Anyway when I was twelve the curse of my life arrived… the spots! They are practically gone now, but I am still totally ugly. 

Faramir says I'm just over dramatic, and that I am in fact very pretty. But I bet he's just lying to make me feel better. I'm just plain old troll girl. Troll girl with the red hair… great!  To be honest I do not really get on with the other young ladies at "Court" especially Lynette, it was her who started all this "tall dwarf" business. She used to make my life a misery, until I … accidentally poked her with my tapestry needle.  Then she put a rat in my bed, so I put crickets in her hair.

Honestly, Lynette prancing around in her muslin dresses, with her hair up and reciting poetry and fluttering her eyelashes at any visiting Lords. She's incorrigible, and only just sixteen! Well I'd much rather wear my tatty brown dress and prance around with the sword I purloined, then write sonnets about golden mornings and silent dawns with her and her cronies. 

Faramir insists that I should try to find some friends, and start thinking about marriage! Marriage! I'm fifteen, and I'm never getting married. Could you imagine having to do anything and everything some stroppy husband told you to! No way, the only person I take orders from is me, and me only. Besides no one would want to marry me what with me being an ugly troll.

I'm rather depressed at the moment because Faramir being twenty-two now is away all the time, working as a ranger, protecting the borders of Gondor from the outside world. So I'm always by myself. But I have got friends, I found this huge toad in a pond and I christened him "Walter" Walter and me are best friends….

Oh whom am I kidding? My best friend is a toad! A toad! Arghhhhhh! Oh well, embroidery calls.

A/N: Don't worry she matures soon, and this fic does have some very serious and angsty parts. 


	3. Errin's Diary Part 2

Lady B 

**Chapter 2**

**Errin's Diary.**

The Diary Of Errin, Errin… Whatever. Now aged sixteen.

Dear Diary, 

I'm very happy, because finally I am sixteen. That means I can, well, er, get married I suppose, not that I want to. So lets face facts being sixteen is just like being fifteen, except now people expect me to act like an adult. Giria, actually wanted to measure me up for a wedding dress! Can you credit it?

Anyway, not much has changed around here. Faramir comes and goes, Denethor bosses people around and Boromir occasionally puts in an appearance. Not that I ever speak to him, he turned up last week and stomped on my foot when he was marching towards the stables. He didn't even recognise me, or bother to apologise, arrogant _bast_…

I am writing this hiding in my bedchamber because of a little accident I just caused. Lord Denethor insisted that I learnt all about herb lore, which is incredibly dull. So while Madame Foxglove was strolling through some notes about roots that can help headaches I thought I'd have a bit of fun. 

So I took some floral roots, some strange white substance and this green goop I found in a pot on my workbench, mixed it together and dropped it into my cooking pot (Which coincidently was hanging over a fire.) 

The result was spectacular; the substance in my cauldron began to emit a loud hissing noise, then bubble magnificently. Finally the whole thing exploded showering the entire class in a globular, smelly mess. Lynette got most of the blast, I was rolling about laughing. 

Unfortunately the stuff ruined two antique tapestries, but it was worth it. Madame Foxglove wasn't too happy, she dragged me to see Denethor who went very over the top if you ask me. After telling me what a disgrace I was, he demanded that I pay for the damage using my personal allowance. But as he pays me that allowance it doesn't make much difference. 

Sorry if the ink is slightly smudgy but Walter just burped some kind of liquid saliva all over my page. 

We got some incredibly exciting news today. Several elves are to visit my guardian, and stay for a week. All the young women are talking about it. Lynette was so excited she forgot to give me her "tall dwarf" routine today. Yes, small mercies are the best. 

Oh well must go choose my prettiest dress, ready to greet the handsome elves.

A/N: _Sighs_, nobody is reading this, but who cares? I like talking to myself. 


	4. Errin's Diary Part 3

Lady B

Chapter 4

Author's Note: A big thanks to reviewers. Don't worry Boromir and Faramir will make big appearances in the next chapter.  

The Diary Of Errin (Who cares anyway? I don't anymore.)

I want to die! Today was the worst and most embarrassing day of my life. I mean go and live as a hermit in the mines of Moria bad. That's how BAD! 

Well, it started of Okay. I was just went down to breakfast in my green dress, (which is slightly tight but who cares it still looks fab!) Anyway all of these REALLY handsome elves were sat in the great hall. Including the Gorgeous prince Legolas of Mirkwood.  

All of the women were practically drooling over him; you could practically see the saliva dropping onto their porridge bowls. 

So can you imagine my joy, when I managed to secure the seat next to him! I was just sat there being all cool and calm as I sat there looking wonderful in my green dress, and every so often trying to pluck up courage to actually speak to him!

Unfortunately I hadn't noticed that Walter had sneaked down to breakfast in my pocket. Hopped onto the table, and straight into prince Legolas's porridge. Then he barfed into it, Legolas didn't notice and ate a spoonful. 

He promptly began to choke and nearly fainted when he looked down and saw Walter and his barf. Lord Denethor promptly began to yell at me for bringing my pet toad to breakfast and Prince Legolas turned to stare at me as if I was Walter.

I stood up to make a dignified and dramatic exit, but as I did my dress ripped right down the back. Everyone in the room laughed at me. 

So I ran here and barricaded myself in, with only Walter who I took with me as company. 

I HATE MY LIFE!!! 

A/N: Sorry that was so short. In the next chapter she is 18. 


	5. Errin's Diary Part 4

**Lady B**

Chapter 5 

Author's Note : Okay to avoid confusion here are a few notes. This fic follows the books rather than the films however later I will completely destroy continuity (You'll find out why later) and is set about 4/5 years before The Fellowship Of The Ring. 

Age Guides.

Errin: 18

Faramir: 25

Boromir: 30

Walter: 5

Okay: This makes both Faramir and Boromir younger then they actually are in the novels, just in case anybody gets confused. 

**Errin's Diary (Two Years After The TOAD BARF incident.) **

Isn't it incredible how anybody can be this lazy? I mean I've abandoned this poor diary for two whole years. Two years! If that is not laziness personified I do not know what is. So you may ask, what has happened to dear tall dwarf in these two years? Well here is a brief sketch. 

**Critical Events That Have Happened To Me In The Last 2 Years!!!!!!!!**

1) Faramir remains out and about doing secret type ranger stuff and annoying his father by daring to exist (well not quite).

2) Denethor raised my allowance (Finally!)

3) Formed absolutely no romantic attachments (Tragic spinsterhood here I come)

4) Reached eighteenth birthday and completed education.

5) Managed to avoid having to learn elvish.

6) Giria AKA evil governess was sacked for stealing silver butter knives.

7) Bought my own horse… unfortunately I managed to buy a completely psycho horse who eats his nosebag and leaves the food.

8) Denethor gave up trying to marry me off.

9) Walter reached his fifth birthday.

10) Arch nemesis Lynette got married and out of my hair.

Well there you go the past two years of my life can be conveyed in a ten-item list, sad isn't it? Anyway on a slightly more depressing note guess who is arriving this afternoon after a month's absence? Only "Mr why isn't that wretched Errin girl married yet?" Aka Boromir. When he bothers to speak to me its either to criticise me or tell me to get out of his way. He last spoke to me over a year ago….. 

Ahh I've just remembered something that I forgot to add to my list.

11) Got new improved larger bedchamber.

Well at least its now an eleven item list, that's definitely an improvement.

It was about time to. My previous bedchamber wasn't even large enough to swing a cat in. I tried to tell Faramir this but he just asked if I did much cat swinging ha ha very funny. Well I only got this new room because the ceiling collapsed in my old one due to lightning and drunken guards playing with heavy rocks… long story. 

My new room is nice, but knowing Denethor's dislike where I'm concerned I'll probably find out that somebody died in here, that would just be gross. (Mind you this is from a girl with a pet toad.)

Oh well I'd better go and play with psycho horse before Boromir "I kill small furry animals" of Gondor turns up and tramples me and Walter to death.

**5 HOURS LATER Errin's bedchamber Errin's Diary.**

****

Dear Diary, I just need to get something off my chest…..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, that's better. 

Well this afternoon I went for a ride on the affectionately christened "psycho horse the 1st." And I was wearing one of my scruffiest riding dresses, my entire wardrobe ranges from "presentable…. Just" to "so scruffy a troll wouldn't wear it".

So this dress was not exactly pretty, but anyway afterwards I took PHT1st to the stables and began to walk towards my quarters when I heard a voice call.

"Servant girl!"

Huh? I turn around and stood there was scourge of the small fuzzy animals himself Boromir. I was so annoyed!!!!! Yet I just stood there starring at him in shell shock. Before I knew where I was he had given me instructions to groom his horse, and left. Leaving me starring cross-eyed at him and resembling a half deranged Rohan peasant. 

   I wanted to call after him that I was in fact not any kind of domestic, but he walked so quickly that he was already out of site. 

Fuming with anger I grabbed the horse's reign and walked into round to the stables. Stood outside was Leon the oldest stable boy.  He laughed when he saw me.

"What are you doing with that horse?" He asked as I handed the reign to him. I scowled, although I like most of the servants I wasn't in any mood to be laughed at.

"I was told I was a "serving girl"." I explained grouchily. Leon laughed more.

"Well, that dress isn't one of your nicest."

"What's wrong with it!" I snapped, self consciously smoothing it down.  

 Well after that I went back to my room and changed into one of my nicer dresses a" blue velvet number. Serving girl I'd show him! Then I clunked back down the spiral staircase and nearly collided with someone. 

"I have got to stop doing that." I muttered under my breath, as I looked up to see whom I'd nearly given concussion to. I scowled. It was Boromir.

"Hello." I said politely, at least trying to be nice. He ignored me and gave me the evil eye.

"You, I presume are Errin." He said finally, giving her me a disdainful look.

"They call me that." I replied grouchily.

"Get out of my way girl, I've no time for fools." He said finally before pushing me aside and marching upstairs. 

"Then you mustn't have any time for yourself." I called up the stairs after him, I immediately regretted it. But to my amazement he didn't look angry or even annoyed, more amused and surprised. Smirking he walked down a few steps before saying, 

"I'm sorry. But then again you're only a silly girl." Then he marched off up the stairs.

Silly Girl! Hah! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!!!!!


	6. Errin's Diary Part 5

Lady B Chapter 6 

Dear Diary,

I am in a VERY bad mood today, mostly due to the fact I got absolutely NO sleep whosoever last night. 

Why? You may ask, well I'll tell you why, because Boromir of freakin Gondor, his wretched brother and about five hundred of their worthless friends, got completely trashed and stood under my window singing raucous songs until 5 AM!!!

For example, the lyrics of one such travesty went:

"See that pretty girl there,

The one with the blonde hair,

Don't you wish that she was bare,

So we could see her bo….."

Yes, I hate my life!!!! To make matters worse poor old Walter has come out in some kind of orange rash and is flaking all over my vanity table. Oh law, I've nearly missed breakfast, I'd better go.

AFTER BREAKFAST 

  
Note to self-stop writing in capital letters, it will confuse whatever poor soul reads these memoirs once I am deceased. Actually today has perked up slightly as at breakfast all of last nights singers had serious hangovers and were groaning into their porridge. I amused myself by yelling down Faramir's ear every so often and watching him wince.

Rather interestingly Lord Denethor informed me that he wishes to speak to me this afternoon to discuss my "practical arraignments", tell me he hasn't started that wedding nonsense again….. 

After The Wretched Meeting Damn I'm Using Bold Ink Now 

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I think that just about vents my feelings slightly. Being the dutiful ward as I am, this afternoon I trotted to Lord D's private sanctuary this afternoon, (which coincidently looks as if it has been inhabited by large killer zombies for the past ten years) for our meeting.

From the moment I arrived, I knew that something bad was about to happen; for starters he was wearing his black robes, which is never a good sign. And guess who was stood in the corner smirking? Yeah Boromir himself, stupid git.

Well, from the moment he started talking my jaw dropped, his little "Speech" went something like this.

"Errin due to budgetary constrictions you are to move back to your old room and your allowance will be halved. You will also receive housekeeping lessons from Madame foxglove."

Huh? It felt as if it was national bash the red head day. After about five seconds of blinking stupidly and looking like a constipated parrot, I finally asked,

"Erm why?"

Boromir stepped forwards and answered,

"Because I want your room for a boys parlour, you get far too much money for an unmarried single woman and according to Faramir you can't even boil an egg."

After going very red and resembling a tomato, I finally found my voice yet again; my voice must have a travel pass the amount of times it goes missing. 

"Gee why don't I just start wearing potato sacks and sleeping in a pig sty while I'm at it. I didn't exactly ask to be dumped on some steps round here did I?"

And with that I stormed out of the room. If I hated my life this morning, I must have just fallen into some sort of distorted nightmare now. But there is no way I'm giving housekeeping lessons, I'll run away and join the circus first. 

Author's Note: Story if it's getting repetitive, but this is just the boring old back-story. Expect the good bits starting next chapter. 


	7. Errin's Diary Part 6

Lady B 

**Chapter 7**

Author's Note: A HUGE thanks to every single reviewer WARNING: The fire works start in this chapter, yup poor old uncivilised Errin learns about her heritage.

Dear Diary, 2.5 months and nine hours after previous entry.

I'm sorry to report that life has gone from dull to atrocious. For starters I'm back in the tiny bedchamber, which still has a small hole in the roof, so every time it rains I get wet. Even more unfortunately the hole is directly over my bed. 

   As far as budgetary constrictions, I have grown out of 80% of my clothes and there are barely any funds to replace them. I'm still paying for the damage I did to that bloody tapestry all those years ago.

Housekeeping lessons are torment, who cares about wild flowers and how do dedicate your entire life to your husband's every whim. Middle Earth to Madame Foxglove, I would rather slowly pull all my finger nails out then get married.

Dear old Faramir tried to plead my case to Lord D, but as he likes Faramir only very slightly more than me, it did no good whatsoever. 

As Leon the stable boy ever so kindly puts it I look like "A really scruffy, scruffy person." To add a cherry to the top Lord D confiscated my sword and Walter still has traces of his rash. Denethor also suggested that I began to eat all my meals with the servants, hah. One day I'll fly away and leave all this to Yesterday, but, knowing my luck I'll fly too close to the sun and melt. 

*****************

Oh my gosh….. OH my gosh……OH MY GOSH!!! You will never guess what happened this afternoon! I was trudging back from torture in the shape of domestic education (and resembling a ginger haired mud monster) when I spotted five rather spiffy looking Riders Of The Mark taking a stroll with my gargoyle Lord D, sorry guardian. Anyway he didn't look at all happy about it. 

Well, after they to steal a phrase "rode off into the sunset" I went back to TSSB (The super small bedchamber) and thought no more about it. Until about half an hour later there was a knock at the door. This was a rare occurrence; most people don't bother knocking on my door. Anyway with my hair sticking up like a scarecrow's and wearing a torn brown dress I opened it. 

   No prizes for guessing who was stood there starring at me like I was from the dead lands, yup Boromir himself.

"What?" I asked grouchily. He sort of shuck his head then resumed the smirk he normally had plastered all over his face whenever we made eye contact.

"My father requires your immediate presence." 

"Oh goody." I replied sarcastically, "Has he found some smelly yokel to marry me?"

Boromir ignored, me and set off striding down the corridor, I ran my fingers through my mop of hair (unfortunately this just made it look greasy) and dashed off after him. Wishing that I had at least bothered to put on a half decent dress. 

The moment we reached Lord D's inner sanctum I knew something was going on. For starters he was sat in his throne like desk chair and gripping the arms somewhat tightly. Faramir was sat opposite him, looking as confused as I felt. The moment the door swung shut Boromir bolted it.

Lord D gave me the evils for a minute then started,

"Errin, as you know you were unceremoniously dumped on our generosity eighteen years ago."

"Yes, well I don't actually remember. But that's the story I've been told." Suddenly I felt very important, like the lead character in a book.

"Well Errin. Your father has finally decided to admit who he is." There was a dark, mistrusting creepy look in Denethor's eyes that I didn't exactly like. But the moment he'd made his last statement I'd gone into shock and was somewhere between horror and disbelief. 

"Who?" Demanded Faramir, asking my question for me.

"King Theoden of Rohan." Announced Denethor grumpily. There was a long almost humorous pause during which I swallowed half a fingernail and Faramir made some kind of horrible choking sound.

"This is very bad news." Continued Denethor finally.

"W-W-Why?" I asked feeling as if I'd just been whacked over the head with a frying pan.

" Because Errin." He yelled turning to me, " YOU look nothing like a princess of Rohan. You dress and act like a cross between a tramp and a scarecrow. You have no table manners and you wouldn't know elegance if it came up and bit you…."

"But what's that got to do with you?" Queried Faramir.

"Don't interrupt me Faramir." Snapped his father. "It has everything to do with me. If Errin turns up at Rohan for her debut as she is. Her father will be convinced that I am an unfit ruler and it will present a bad impression of Gondor!"

I couldn't quite see the logic here but I decided not to interrupt. 

"So." Said Denethor, his normal steady yet scarily strict tome returning. "I want you Faramir and Boromir to teach her how to act like a civilised woman."

We all exploded into chatter, at almost precisely the same moment.

"Now look here…." I began,

"How long have we got?" Faramir asked,

"But I have far more important things to do!" Argued Boromir, as we all turned to glare at him.

"This." Said Denethor sternly, "is my final word on the subject. You will turn Errin into a princess in one month, or face my wrath."

I turned to stare at Faramir. Neither of us liked the sound of that. 

Author's Note: Don't worry Errin won't go princessy on us. Plus the long awaited sexual tension begins next chapter. Anyway a HUGE thanks to: Gina, Leanan Sidhe, Elentari_Taure, Rhianna Sulumae, Sweet A.K, Ainu Laire, Juicy Juice, iron-eyes 24, Unique S, Alex92, honest Iago, writerbrat, hehe, Name1, Seductive Gypsy, Tracy, toolasytosignintwitteringpig, Galadrielwannabe and Angel Bloom. 


	8. Errin's Diary Part 7

**Lady B **

**Chapter 8**

Author's Note: If anyone's wondering why poor old Errin was dumped on a set of steps, lets just say (her incredibly psycho, er eccentric) mother had a lot to do with it. As for the eccentric mother she will make an appearance WAY down the line. Ohhh there's going to be an interesting cameo in the next chapter. 

P.S: Don't worry I love nice Faramir, what was PJ thinking?

P.P.S: This fic will also be strongly Éowyn/Faramir. 

14th Forelithe 3016 (Hah I will use Shire dates and Faramir can't stop me.)

Dear Diary,

Sad isn't it I have once again ignored my diary, but this time only for a week. My entire life has been turned upside down. Here is a brief list of changes:

1) Clothes budget has gone up hugely since input from estranged father.

2) Have been moved to largest bedchamber yet, unfortunately it's right next to horrible Boromir's and believe me he has a LOT of drunken singsongs. 

3) Have been allowed to drop "housekeeping lessons"…

4) But unfortunately they have been replaced with "Court lessons." Which I must admit are slightly better.

5) I now HAVE to eat with the family, and am forbidden from talking to the servants about my true identity.

To be honest I'm not sure what to make of everything at the moment. I mean as for King Theoden of Rohan being my father that just seems strange. If he's my father, I wonder who my mother is? I bet she's really ugly. Or maybe a dwarf!!! Ughh now I really am being paranoid. I suppose it will all sink in eventually. 

Well, you are probably wondering, why is she moaning, that lass has got it made. Well I would have if it wasn't for several major problems. For example this is my new "lessons" timetable. 

1) Fashion with Madame Foxglove.

2) Calligraphy, letter writing and journal keeping with Faramir

3) Etiquette and suitable behaviour with Boromir.

No prises for guessing which I dislike the most. "Fashion" actually isn't that bad. Except for the tedious circular conversations I have with Madame Foxglove (F).

F: So what apparel would be suitable wear for a court ball?

Me: Erm a dress?

F: Be more specific.

Me: An uncomfortable dress?

F: Why would boots be unsuitable wear for an introduction to society?

Me: Because…

Oh well, when we're not having this conversation I get to try on some very pretty clothes, some very uncomfortable clothes and some clothes so confusing it takes two hours to get into them. 

On the other side many of my clothes have been censured and I have been forbidden from wearing:

Any brown dresses,

Any boots,

Anything muddy/torn/chewed

Madame Foxglove even went as far as to burn three of my riding gowns! She called them "A threat to public health." She also attacked my hair with five narrow toothed combs and a pair of scissors.

Calligraphy, letter writing and journal keeping with Faramir is a doddle its actually fun. Due to the fact I can write tolerably, and actually keep a journal (although Faramir insisted that I put the date on each entry and stop letting Walter burp all over it.) 

   The rest of the time we just sit and gossip. He tells me all about his brother's love life disasters (one woman he proposed to actually slapped him, he heh.) And I fill him in on why I'm no longer allowed to wear green stockings with a purple gown (Apparently they make me look like a lizard). 

Etiquette and suitable behaviour with Boromir is a different matter entirely, in fact I'm due there now! I'll give you a full description the moment I return.

After I Have Returned From Etiquette Lesson 

Well…. I'm back and as duly promised here is a full account. I have a feeling it's going to be interesting.

   I have etiquette class (EC) in a small antechamber, which is about nine minutes walk away from my bedchamber. As I was running late I had to run, when I run my arms sort of flail around and I have a tendency to go very red in the face. So by the time I got to EC I resembled some kind of red-faced madwoman. Without thinking I opened the door and shuffled quietly into the room. Hoping that I wouldn't be told off for acting like a "Gallumffing cave troll." Not quite sure what "Gallumffing" means but I doubt it's a compliment. 

Guess what horrible sight I was subjected to? Yes Boromir son of Denethor locked in a passionate embrace Lynette my ex-arch-nemesis! (Who is famously married to Lord "If you touch my wife I will smash Your Bloody Face in." or whatever his name is.) 

I was stunned and as it looked as if the two were about to take this sordid encounter one step further I let out a cough, which made me sound like a rasping sheep. The two sprung apart blushing furiously. And I couldn't help myself I had to laugh.  

Lynette didn't seem to find it very funny; she gave me an evil glare, and began,

"If you tell anybody about us, I'll, I'll…." Then she realised that if anybody had the upper hand in this situation it was me. She gave Boromir a fleeting look and then hurried out of the room leaving me chuckling into my palm. 

Boromir crossed and locked the door. Before also starting the "Evil Glare" routine.

"Errin, if you tell her husband…"

"Oh, but I just want to save him from having his heart broken." I replied mischievously. His face turned to what he obviously thought was a jaunty look.

"Well it doesn't really matter. She'll be the one who gets the blame and I could kill her husband with a flick of my wrist. Anyway she's one of many, I've got a different girl every day of the week." 

I raised both my eyebrows, "Yes," I replied "And I suppose that's why most of the women you propose to inflict grievous bodily harm upon you." 

"Who told you about that?" He demanded sharply, I laughed again and opened my etiquette manual.

A/N: A HUGE thanks to the reviewers of chapter 7: Twitteringpig, Rhianna Sulumae, Spry Sprite, iron-eyes24, Alex92, Unique S, Elentari-Taure, Ellendriel-DarkElvenMischief, honest iago, Sweet A.K, Ainu Laire and JuicyJuice.


	9. Errin's Diary Part 8

**Lady B**

**Chapter (would you credit it) 9.**

A/N: A huge thank to ALL reviewers, ***grins*** I'm afraid the last chapter was slightly OoC but don't worry they'll all snap back to normal soon. Unique S I promise to update FAR more regularly.  

Dear Diary, 

18th

   Hello my poor diary. I'm sad to say that I've forgotten you yet again (but this time only for 4 days.) Not a lot has really happened. Lynette's husband never found about her little tryst, and I haven't seen Boromir at all. 

NEWS  
Sorry about that, this afternoon I had my "Fashion" lesson with Madame Foxglove and at the very end she shattered my hopes of being able to quietly hide at Lord Denethor's next party/ball/thing. Normally you see I hide in my room and play with Walter, but this time she wants me LEADING the ghastly charade. And of all the men in Gondor do you know who has been picked as my partner for the evening? 

Yes BOROMIR! 

"Why?" I asked in absolute horror. Madame Foxglove sort of looked at me in a surprised way before dabbing at her nose with a handkerchief.

"Because he is the most suitable partner available." She replied shortly.

"But, but, but what about Faramir?" I asked desperately. She suddenly gave me a remarkably sharp frown.

"Errin, are you truing to tell me that there is some sort of romantic attachment between yourself and master Faramir?" 

"No, no NO!" I stuttered in horror. "I just meant that I get on better with Faramir than I do with Boromir that's all." 

Foxglove coughed, and took out a rather ugly embroidering depicting a castle.

"I don't understand why Errin." And in my opinion that was my cue to leave the room. 

Later Leon was sent to deliver me a note, which read like this.

"Dear Errin,

You have three days until the party. Which will serve as your rather short notice "coming out". Lord Denethor will inspect your progress afterwards, please do not disgrace me."

Fermia Foxglove."

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

A/N: I'm very sorry for the shortness. But here is a bit of news the next chapter will be 1st person narrative from Errin's POV **not a diary**. Plus we finally get to see the ball. (P.S the interesting came has been delayed. slightly.)

Another thanks to the reviewers of chapter 8: Rhianna Sulumae, JuicyJuice, little-lost-one, Unique S, Alex92, Kaye Thorn, Spry Sprite, Sweet A.K, Ainu Laire. 


	10. Errin's Diary Part 9

Lady B

Chapter 10

A one off Valentine Day special!

A/N: This is VERY SHORT and is just a little "before the ball" bit I wrote for Valentine's day. 

Errin's Diary: Excited about the ball. 

   Hello, the last two days have been strange, peculiar, weird and dare I say it actually interesting. But today is the big day and other than the whole Boromir factor I am actually looking forwards to this ball. Yesterday Madame Foxglove showed me the dress she has selected for me to wear, and I was astonished, because for once it was actually nice. I don't want to bore anyone with a long description, but I just can't resist writing a short one.

Blue

Velvet

Long

Silver embroidery

Shiny

Matching shawl

Flowy

There, I hope it was short enough, and even more incredibly it actually looks nice on me. As for my hair (which we finally managed to get a comb through) I'm actually putting it up! At first I was mildly horrified at the prospect, and the idea of having 100 bobby pins in such close proximity to my head. But again it actually looks okay. 

The dancing part I got through after two hours of practicing with Faramir. He needed one of his toes bandaging afterwards and I tore one of my newest gowns, but other than that I caught on quite quickly. Even Walter was enjoying the party spirit (well I tied a bow around his neck). 

  The social/court hierarchy at Gondor is actually rather confusing, mostly due to the fact that we have no king and don't expect to require one in the near future. That leaves the line of stewards in charge, namely Denethor. I suppose Boromir will inherit the steward hood after his father's demise, when he does I will migrate to the mines of Moria. Oh, I'm rambling. Anyway my point is, that to all intense and purposes Denethor is the top dog here and if he says Boromir has to have me as a dance partner, have me as a dance partner he will…

Boromir was not too happy about this, but due to his great loyalty to his father he agreed without smashing any priceless vases. One bowl hit the dust but that was due to me dropping it at breakfast yesterday, Oops there I go rambling again. 

Mind you horrible as Boromir is, he is quite handsome. So maybe having him as a partner might not be so bad after all. 

A/N: Short I know, but the next chapter will be VERY long, the LONGEST YET!!!! Happy Valentine's Day folks. 


	11. Errin's Diary Part 10

Lady B Chapter 11 

Author's Note: I'm really, really, really sorry guys about the awful lateness of this chapter. But I had a round of ghastly exams and schoolwork was taking up ALL of my time. But now the hols are here expect some updates. Thanks to all you reviewers you rock.

P.S: I know Jane Austen didn't write Jane Eyre, I meant the plot would resemble JE but written in a JA style I hope that clears up any misunderstandings.

**Dear Diary**,

_Bobby pins….CHECK_

_Dress…CHECK_

_Shoes with heels to kick Boromir with if necessary…CHECK_

Oh well, I'm off to the ball. I'll describe all to you the moment I return.

Well beloved diary I'm back. From what has been one of the strangest/best/worst? Nights of my life. As to avoid from keeping you in suspense I will start the "Saga of the ball" from the beginning.

   I left my room immediately after dressing; leaving Walter perched on my vanity stand looking rather grouchy. (I'd had to remove his bow because he'd been trying to chew it.)

So having left my room I found myself in the empty corridor, (I was running slightly late due to the fact I'd spent the past half hour dislodging ribbon from Walter's throat.) But the empty corridor was a bit of a problem because due to stuffy old protocol, being an unmarried young woman I wasn't allowed into the ball unescorted, and that meant (waiting for Boromir). Who, unless he had discovered the secret of invisibility, was nowhere to be seen.

So I stood in the deserted corridor for ten minutes or so resembling a (more pretty than usual) tall dwarf. Until finally, I heard footsteps approaching, and low and behold Boromir himself shuffled into view, not even looking vaguely remorseful.

"Greetings," I muttered under my breath sulkily, before addressing him with,

"You do realise that we are supposed to be opening this party don't you?" It came out slightly more politely than I'd intended.

"Yes," he replied equally politely, "I'm sorry, my old horse is dying."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." I replied quietly, feeling slightly guilty. "Look, if you want to pass on this I'll more than understand."

"No," he much to my astonishment smiled, "Besides, I think my father would kill us if we did."

Then I smiled too, and taking the arm he offered we walked down the corridor, in rather awkward silence. I don't think I've ever had less to say before in my life. By the time we reached the top of the staircase I was beginning to have a huge cluster of butterflies attacking my digestive system.

What if I fell over? What if I smashed something? What if I trod on somebody's foot? Or even worse what if I knocked over a candle, which set fire to the dance floor killing everybody? Alright so the last possibility wasn't likely, but there you go.

I was bust running these possible disasters through my mind when I caught Boromir starring at me, a slightly puzzled expression on his face.

"What?" I asked stopping half way down the staircase as I turned to glare at him.

"Nothing," he replied casually, "you were just wearing an expression that made me think you were going to be executed not open a silly dance."

"It feels a bit like that." I answered morbidly.

"Well, standing on this staircase isn't going to get it over and done with any quicker." He told me almost sternly.

"Its alright for you!" I snapped, "You've been to important social events since the age of five, I've spent most of my life being hidden from important social events." Then I realised that that was probably one of the strangest sounding sentences I'd ever said so I shut up again.

He looked medative, and almost slightly embarrassed for a moment.

"And justly so" I thought angrily to myself, he's the one who made sure his father kept me hidden.

"Alright," he said suddenly, "truce."

"Huh?"

"I'll stop making your life hell, if you go to this ball."

"What," I asked, "no more moaning about having to spend time with me?"

"Yes."

"No more making rude comments about my clothes?"

"Yes,"

"Fine," I said smiling, "you've got yourself a deal."

And we walked down the stairs, along the corridor and straight into the ball. Which was a bit terrifying because the entire main hall was full of very important looking people. All of whom turned to stare at us, as if on queue.

"Just smile politely," Boromir muttered under his breath. I smiled, but felt as if I'd rather vomit. All the while muttering under my breath "Don't fall over, don't fall over, don't fall over."

As we joined the crowd about nine people descended on Boromir asking him how he was, and how events were going outside of Gondor. I just stood nearby feeling incredibly stupid, as the only person I knew in the room was Faramir and he was jammed at the other side of the room.

I tried mouthing at him, but he didn't see me, and some overly dressed old woman gave me a funny look so I deceased quickly. Just as four miscellaneous people asked Boromir the dreaded question,

"So who is your lovely partner?"

At first I looked around myself to see who they meant, and then nearly jumped out of my skin when I realised they meant me. Luckily Boromir was able to handle the situation and introduced me as

"Lady Errin Herrismere." A name Faramir and I had invented in advance, nobody was meant to know about my true identity. I'd wanted to call myself "Zippy Walter" but Faramir had put his foot down.

However my round of introductions was interrupted by the sound of a gong, and looking up the main platform at the centre of the room I realised the musical entertainment was about to begin. As the guests began to move to the side of the room, I felt Boromir grab my hand, and I somehow ended up dancing.

Oh the embarrassment, I cannot dance. During the first set I managed to tear some woman's dress (fortunately she didn't notice), next I DID knock a candle over (but fortunately it wasn't lit) and for my grand finale I fell over my own feet and landed flat on my face.

As the guests burst into raucous hysterics, the food arrived and I was fortunately able to slip away. And I mean slip; en route I slipped over the train of my wretched dress.

Anyway I was stood outside feeling utterly depressed and sorry for myself, when I realised something, I was going to have to attend these ghastly soirees for rest of my life!

I sat down on a handy piece of wall and chewed a bit of my hair, which had fallen out of its style. Ugh; I was going to have to face Madame Foxtrot's wrath tomorrow. I can just imagine it;

"Lady Errin, knocking over candles is not appropriate ball behaviour." Oh damn.

It was at this point that I realised my dress was torn I was just examining it when I heard A voice,

"You never know, it could become a new fashion." I looked up and saw Boromir.

"Oh hello," I muttered quickly removing the piece of hair from my mouth, "shouldn't you be in there socialising?"

"Shouldn't you?" He retorted smiling slightly.

I sighed, and kicked the wall, "How do you deal with those stupid things?"

"You'll get used to them, there are some things we all have to do, it's our duty." That statement puzzled me slightly, it seemed rather too serious.

"Do you believe in duty?" I asked.

"Of course, the most important part of my life is my duty to my father and Gondor."

"Do you want to be the next steward?" I asked, he seemed incredibly serious.

"It's what I've always wanted." He replied, and our conversation lapsed into silence. Unable to stop myself I blurted out,

" Is it true you proposed to twelve women all of whom turned you down and one of whom slapped you?"

He looked amazed "So that's the rumour now is it?"                   

I nodded.

"No," he replied, "No its not true. I did propose to Lady Lynette but she turned me down."

"Oh," I replied feeling kind of embarrassed, but I continued all the same.

"But I saw you together that day in etiquette class!"

He smiled grimly, "Errin, I'm a bit of relief from her idiot husband, besides you can't deny she's a very pretty woman."

I snorted and asked, "Would you marry her?"

He shook his head, "I've got more important things think about then love and marriage."

"Like?" I prompted, finding this conversation very interesting.

"Something is about to happen, something dark, I don't know what but I can sense it."

"Have you been drinking?" I asked half amused, half puzzled.

He frowned at me,

"I'm serious Errin."

"Are you worried about Gondor?" I pestered.

"Yes," he finished, and the yes seemed to indicate the conversation about his premonitions of doom was over.

"Is you father after my blood yet?" I asked smiling.

"No, fortunately he missed your little escapades on the dance floor."

"I was awful wasn't I?"

"No," He replied politely, I raised an eyebrow, "Well, maybe slightly."

I laughed, "Do you think I can politely slip away yet?"

"Why don't I try and teach you how to dance?"

"No way!" I retorted, "I'm not going back in there."

End Of Chapter.

A/N: I know part of this chapter was up before, but I took it down and rewrote it. Next chapter features the first bit of real romance (LoL) Anyway THANK YOU reviewers YOU ROCK.


	12. Errin's Diary Part 11

Lady B

Chapter 12

Errin's Diary: Part 11

Author's Note: OH MY GOSH! I haven't updated this poor fic for nearly 5 months! I'm really sorry to all of my reviewers and my only excuse can be my GCSE exams. Oh Dear… Anyway after a horrid wait, here is chapter 12/ Errin's Diary Part 11.

Was he crazy? Go back into that room and do some more dancing? This time around I probably would manage to kill somebody.

'Look, I don't think that's a good idea.' I argued again, 'I'd far rather sit around out here and pretend to be dead.'

'You do enjoy wallowing in embarrassment don't you?' He asked smiling and raising an eyebrow slightly.

'Hey! Its not my fault I'm a walking disaster.' I argued.

'You are not a walking disaster area, just a little clumsy that's all.'

'Clumsy, disaster area, same thing.'

'See there you go again?' He laughed.

'Okay, so maybe I like to wallow, what's the problem? Pigs do it all the time!' I argued back, feeling vaguely resentful.

'Yes but you are a princess, not a pig.' He reminded me, I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to my ripped dress.

'When do you go to Rohan?' He asked sitting down next to me.

'No idea.' I replied, I was beginning to wish he would go away; this conversation was becoming rather annoying.

'Are you coming back in?' He asked again gesturing with his head towards the 'party'.

'No,' I replied stubbornly, 'I felt like I was in a cattle show or something in there. All of those people pointing at me and demanding to know who I was.'

'Well, to all intents and purposes that's what royal occasions are like.'

'Cattle shows?'

Boromir nodded.

'I bet they are going to spend the next few years laughing about Lady Errin Herrismere and her amazing dancing/sliding around the room looking like an idiot.'

'Probably.' He replied smiling again, he doesn't look too bad when he smiles.

'This would never have happened if Faramir had let me use the name Zippy Walter.' I moaned glaring at my feet.

'Why not?' B asked looking puzzled.

'Because they would have been too busy laughing at my name to notice my 'dancing'.'

B laughed again, I turned to look at him.

'What?'

'You laugh too much.' I announced smiling.

'That's rich, a couple of weeks ago you'd have accused me of frowning too much.'

'I know' I replied in a falsely 'superior' voice. 'Maybe you've got multiple personality disorder.'

He rolled his eyes this time.

'And you haven't?'

'Absolutely not,' I replied grinning, 'I only have one and that's chaotic.'

'Indeed.'

We sat in silence for a minute before I stood up and walked around the small-enclosed garden in which I was stuck until the end of this lousy ball. I turned around (half hidden by a tree) to look at Boromir, only to see a woman walk out to him.

'Oh there you are!' She greeted in a hideously false voice I knew all too well.

'I was worried you'd been kidnapped by that wretched Errin creature.'

'Wretched Errin CREATURE!' Ohh Lady Lynette had some nerve.

'No.' B replied and I happily noted somewhat sourly.

'Did you see her antics on the dance floor?' Lynette asked with a laugh. 'I'm amazed your father let her come, she'd be better off living in the pond with all her toady friends.'

I wanted to waltz over there and thumb her perfect little head into a pile of mush, but I refrained myself.

'Actually' B replied casually, 'I thought she was a very erm unique dancer. And what do you mean toady friends?'

'Don't you know?' Asked Lynette with her stupid high-pitched giggle, 'She has this revolting pet toad, she probably want to marry it. It's the best husband she's ever going to get.'

I was positively outraged, not only was she slandering my loyalist friend Walter, but she was implying that I WANTED to get married. It was too much I stepped out from the tree and walked over to the area where Boromir and Lynette were stood (which coincidentally was lit by the moon and lights from the ball inside.)

'Good Evening,' I greeted casually, 'I'm just leaving to spend some quality time with my toady friend.'

But before I could leave Denethor stepped out into our little coven.

'Boromir its time for the announcement.'

'What announcement?' Asked his son in confusion. His father tutted impatiently.

'The announcement of you betrothal to Lady Errin Herrismere of course.'

It was impossible to tell which of the three of us was most shocked.

'What?' Demanded Lynette going red.

'Huh?' Asked Boromir, 'When did we agree this?'

'No way!' I yelled, stamping my precocious royal foot.

OHHH the final part of the ball is in the next chapter, see you then folks.


	13. Errin's Diary Part 12

**Lady B**

**Chapter 13**

**Vivien**

Author's Note: Arghhhhhh guys I'm so sorry it's taken me so darn long to update the chronicles of poor Errin. (Blushes) All I can blame is my GCSEs (now over and results got) and my own chaotic love life (though no toads involved.)

I dedicate this chapter to Cindy who gave me a kick 2 get writing.

'Errin that is in no way appropriate behaviour.' Lord Denethor responded coolly, regarding my outburst with nothing but a raised eyebrow and harsh expression.

'Actually,' I snapped '_I'd _hardly call marrying me off to your cretin of a son, without my say so 'appropriate behaviour.' Boromir gave me an annoyed look at me at this point, and to be fair 'cretin' was harsh, well cruel, well a bit extreme.

'You're father and I' Denethor continued coolly, 'have discussed this matter extensively and we have decided you two are an ideal pair. The marriage contracts have already been signed.'

At this point Boromir grasped at the stone wall behind him and had to lurch forwards to catch Loopy Lynette as she fell backward in a ridiculas (and in my opinion very contrived and fake) faint.

I rolled my eyes, as Denethor muttered 'stupid woman' under his breath.

After a few minutes of incredibly tense silence (except for these stupid whimpering noises that Lynette was making, the woman sounded like a constipated sheep.) Boromir finally spoke.

'And you wish me to announce this erm, news now father?'

'Indeed.' His father replied, giving his favourite son this stupid indulgent smile.

Lynette by now had staggered over to sit on the wall and had her hand clasped to her heart.

'Ohh how shall I tolerate this sorrow?' She wailed pouting at Boromir and shoving up the cleavage on display in her dress (bleughhhhh.)

'Why not, I Dunno, spend some time with your husband.' I suggested, smirking despite the horrible situation I was stuck in.

However….. a very pleasant thought had occurred to me, there was no way they could 'force' me to marry him, oh you can drag a horse to the alter but you can't force it to marry an idiot with scraggy hair.

I examined Boromir for a second, and noticed to my horror that by moonlight he actually looked incredibly handsome! Ack not good Errin, get a grip!

Lynette finally seemed to give in, she stood up, gave me a departing glare that would terrify a small fluffy animal and stormed away, presumably back to the party.

'What an odd woman.' Denethor remarked casually, avoiding his son's eyes. Boromir merely ignored him and walked back into the hall.

'Well go make you're lovely little announcement then.' I ordered Denethor sarcastically. 'This marriage is never going to happen, but you know if you really want to make a fool of yourself publicly, feel free.'

Denethor rolled his eyes, and I thought he was about to give me another lecture, but to my surprise he merely gave me a piercing stare.

'You will come round to the idea in time Errin.'

Then waltzed out leaving me alone on the veranda.

I sat there in the darkness; I felt odd, like I was strolling in a dream and that any moment Faramir would jump out from behind a plant pot, wearing a pink dress and singing. But no… this was sadly reality.

A/N: Sorry it's short but (drum roll) more follows tomorrow J


	14. Errin's Diary Part 13

_**Lady B**_

Chapter 14 

_**Vivien**_

Dear Journal,

Well, you'd be correct in assuming that I did not stick around to hear Boromir make his 'charming' announcement, oh no! I was not having bunches of random strangers tell me how 'quaint' I was and asking what he would name our first child, what a revolting idea!

No, instead I Zippy Walter, sorry Errin of Rohan hotfooted it back to my room, only to find Walter had eaten that wretched pink ribbon.

I'd just managed to get my hair out of the evil hair pinching hairclips of dooooom, when there was a knock on the door. I was a bit worried that it was Boromir come to serenade me or something (a terrifying thought, he is a vile singer), so just in case I grabbed my hairbrush ready to beat him to death with it if he tried to get a bit, er, over friendly.

However to my relief stood outside the door was good old Faramir.

'Oh' I said dully.

I wasn't really in the mood for seeing any of his family. He gave me a weak smile, then noticed the hairbrush I was still brandishing like some kind of sword. He raised an eyebrow, and blushing I threw the brush onto my bed.

'So…how are you?' He asked awkwardly. I glared at him.

'Oh finnnnnne, delightful, simply wonderful.' I gave him the most fake smile I could manage 'What colour do you think my wedding dress should be?'

He rolled his eyes this time. 'They can't force you to marry him, I'm sure he's as against the idea of you are.'

I felt mildly annoyed, what was wrong with me! Then banishing the idea I frowned.

'Wont _Mr duty_ do whatever daddy dearest tells him to?'

'Well…' Faramir began, obviously trying to lie his way out of my question.

'Exactly!' I snapped, 'I'm going to have to find my way out of this alone…..'

I paced around my room a bit, trying to look pensive, while in reality thinking of crazy schemes to get out of this marriage. I'd just got to hiding in a wine barrel and dropping myself into the river when Faramir gave a cough.

'Well? Got a plan?'

'Erm, erm I'll er disguise myself as a boy and err seek my fortune.' I suggested randomly, remembering the heroine in one of my favourite novels had done pretty much that.

'Bad plan.' Countered Faramir 'You wouldn't last two minutes. You'd get yourself killed in a pub brawl started over that wretched toad.'

I sighed and gave him an annoyed look, though, to be perfectly honest I didn't really want to go rampaging into the wilds.

'Ok, I could er, get er married to somebody else first!' That could actually work, I could go speed courting or something.

'Sadly, that scheme won't work.'

Faramir and I both spun around this time, Denethor was stood in the doorway smirking slightly.

(Feeling oddly brave, though subconsciously picking up the hairbrush again) I turned and demanded;

'And why not?'

'Because, your engagement to my eldest son is common knowledge and any man who er, involves himself with you, will have me to deal with.' He smirked that unpleasant smirk of his.

'You mean you've scared them all off! Every man in Middle Earth?' I yelled, finally loosing it and lobbing the hairbrush at him, it bounced off his forehead with a satisfying 'thunk'.

'Enough!' He snapped glaring at me.

'Errin you will come to realise how great an honour this marriage is! Until then….' He glared around the room, and I glared back.

'You are forbidden from seeing Faramir, or er, er attending dancing lessons!'

And with that he stormed out of the room, Faramir followed, giving me a heavy smile. I slammed the door shut on the lot of them before sinking down on my bed.

I couldn't help but laugh slightly at his idea of a fearful punishment, ban me from dancing lessons? Oh the humanity.

I'd just got changed out of my ridiculas dress and was changing into my nightgown when I heard another set of stomping feet and another argument going on.

'Honestly Boromir, you can't force her to marry you!' That was Faramir's voice, good he was taking my side!

'She's a silly girl, she doesn't know what she wants yet.' Boromir snapped back, and I thumped the desk pretending it was his ugly head.

'Well…' Faramir was obviously trying to reason with his brother, 'She doesn't want you….'

'She does.' His arrogant bastard of a brother replied, 'Believe me she does.'

Of all the blasted cheek!

A/N: Sorry it took me so long, sorry it's so short (hugs poor readers) but I promise I'll be updating a lot more regularly now, may the 'romance' begin (winks).


	15. Errin's Diary Part 14

Lady B

Chapter 15

Errin's Diary Part 14

DOOM DOOM DOOM GLOOM that was how I felt when I woke up this morning, aka the morning after the ball. My mood wasn't improved by the early start my wretched Royalty lessons required and Walter's decision to projectile vomit at the wall above my bed. It was with feelings on intense woe and misery that I washed and removed the last remaining pins from the remains of my ball hairstyle and dressed. Deliberately chose my most boring dress, plain green velvet, HA! There is no way I'm making any effort for wretched Boromir.

I tried to sneak into breakfast without being noticed, but it seemed the whole of Gondor had turned out to peer at me and speculate about the size of my dowry...and breasts. I spotted Lady Lynette sat sulking next to her pink faced husband and for the first time I felt myself relax a bit, maybe I could at least get some amusement out of the whole situation. I took my usual seat at the "Higher Ranking Unmarried Women's Table (Yes Gondor has some bizarre social conventions) and ate the porridge handed to me, it's not easy trying to eat knowing that about a hundred people are staring at you and presumably pulling you to pieces. Arghh wish I'd worn a nicer gown, nooo all of the worrying about my gown caused me to choke on my porridge, and I turn a nasty shade of fuisha as Lady Amelia Rogle (Scary old spinster with 27 cats) whacks me on the back so violently I nearly slam my head into the table. I deliberately avoid looking at the High Table I'm not really in the mood for my Guardian's annoyance/amusement.

I hurried through breakfast as quickly as I could, which of course resulted in a bout of loud hiccups, I was trying to avoid spitting orange juice in somebody's face when Madame Foxglove handed me a small square of parchment, with a feeling of intense despair I slowly unfolded it to read "11 AM, Marriage Preparation lessons, Loom Chamber", as if ghastly Princess and etiquette lessons weren't torture enough! I left the table with every intention of finding an Orc to eat me rather than see anyone of these people ever again.

I sat in my room sulking until 10AM by which point I knew I really aught to put in an appearance for Faramir and Calligraphy lessons, he's really been very supportive about this ghastly situation. The moment I enter the room I can tell he's concerned about me, he's got these little creases in his forehead which means he's been doing more thinking than sleeping (not a problem ever shared by his father and brother I must add).

"How are you?" He asks, helping me into a chair, despite the fact I'm perfectly capable of sitting down on my own accord, without being forced into the uncomfortable Oak chair with bumps in awkward places which everybody always avoids.

"I'm fine" I say honestly, he stares at me in surprise.

"You mean you WANT to marry him?"

"Oh no…" I reply nonchalantly "I'm not even considering it."

"But how can you avoid it, if it's my father's wish and your father's wish…" He trailed off; presumably when he noticed the fact I was staring at him as if he'd just announced his favourite sheep wished to stage a military coup.

"I'm going to leave Gondor" I tell him simply, dipping my quill into some dark green ink.

"Leave Gondor?" He asks incredulously, "and go where?"

"A Farm" I explain casually "With chickens" I add, to prove this isn't just a random scheme.

There was an awkward silence.

"So… a Princess of Rohan is going to flee from marriage to the future steward of Gondor and live alone on a farm with some chickens. Despite the fact that both kingdoms would search for her and that there are rumours…" Faramir trailed off, a dark look in his eyes. "But that is politics and irrelevant..."

I began to angrily disagree, but Faramir cut me off.

"Errin if I was allowed to discuss it with you, I would."

There was another long pause, during which I considered my options, I hadn't realised anyone would bother searching for me, Oh Dear, I doubt even Walter and I could elude the combined forces of Rohan and Gondor and even if we did where would we live, with the Dwarves? (No…really would be mistaken for one then).

"I offered to marry you instead, but my father doesn't believe I'm important enough to seal the alliance…" Faramir announced casually, I didn't take in the rest of what he said as I'd accidentally knocked over the green ink in shock.

"Whhhatttt?" I demanded my eyebrows performing acrobatics.

"Well it seemed to make more sense" he explained, obviously slightly hurt my by my outburst, "even though we're not in love, we are at least good friends.."

I interrupted him.

"But none of us should have to marry without love"

"No" he replied truthfully

And the rest of the lesson passed in gloomy silence.

I ate lunch alone in my chamber and considered the events of the morning, most unsettling I think was the fact I found the idea of marrying Dear sweet Faramir less appealing than the idea of marrying Boromir. I saw Faramir as a brother, which would make marrying him slightly odd, and then there was the fact if I married him I'd feel obliged to be a good little wife (ughh the very thought of sitting about sewing and giving birth at random intervals is repulsive) at least with Boromir I could be as rude and unhelpful a wife as I wanted.

After a brief nap it was time for the dreaded Marriage Preparations Lessons, (MPL) my accident with the ink had meant that a gown change was unavoidable and so this time I made a bit more effort in a dusky pink silk. If people staring at me was unavoidable, I wasn't going to try and find fuel for their criticisms. Unfortunately Madame Foxglove took my gown in the wrong spirit and decided it was a sign of newfound obedience, HA how wrong that woman can be.

'So dear..' she asked, being politer to me than she'd ever been before in her life, 'what do you and youre intended plan to name your first child?' she then smiled expectantly patting my hand..in a mixture of shock and amusement I replied the first bizaree name that came into my head.

'Grogzilla!' there was a long and uncomfortable pause before I added 'Grogzilla of Gondor of course.';


End file.
